Calendar of Events

Friday, April 30, 2021

Phantom Hogs Scavenger Hunt


That's right! Finally a way to get rewarded for all the photos of weird stuff you see while running! Will you be the only one to find a Birthday Cake flavored Gu wrapper to get the automatic win? Will you be able to find page 63 of any random discarded book to win the coveted "Basically just finished the Barkley" award? Will anyone "strike gold" by locating a roadside bottle of urine? -That's gross, don't touch that. 



The Rules:

1. All items must be found and photographed. You must also appear in your photograph. Items which belong to contestants will not be counted. If it doesn't look like it's spent some real time outside, don't even bother submitting it.

2. Bonus points will be awarded for photos proving that you actually picked up any trash items you found and properly disposed of them. (1 bonus point per item)

3. All items must be located and photographed between 12:00:00 AM on May 1 and 11:59:59 PM on May 16th.

4. All runs must be in Strava and have "Phantom Hogs Scavenger Hunt" in the title for any found items to count toward the results.

5. The winner of this contest will get an actual, real life, tangible prize.  None of that Strava virtual badge bullshit. We're bigtime now.

6. Unless noted below, all items are worth 1 point.

The List

1. Birthday Cake Gu wrapper (automatic win)

2. Page 63 of any discarded book (Basically Just Finished the Barkley award) 2 points

3. Discarded roadside bottle of urine (Gold Strike award) 2 points

4. Chäir- Either at the side of the road with a "free" sign, or along a trail. Only chäirs designed for interior use will count. 3 points

5. Apex predator specific to your local geography- Shit like alligators, mountain lions, bears, wolves, sharks (might be difficult on a run), eagles, or whatever you guys in the UK have (maybe a fox or a badger?). 5 points

6. Mylar balloon (these are the foil ones that stay inflated for a long time)

7. Bones- antlers don't count (Murder Mystery award) 

8. "THANK YOU" bag (the white bags that say "thank you" over and over on the outside)

9. Poop- can be literally any poop. Bonus point for catching the perp in the act. Additional sympathy point if you've stepped in it.

10. Hot air balloon, glider, paraglider, or other unconventional aircraft capable of sustained flight without powered forward propulsion.  

11. Animal in a stroller- (Your own animal does not count, Suni)

12. A cyclist clearly running a red light

13. A cyclist clearly stopped at a stop sign (no, you are not allowed to jump in front of them or otherwise influence their behavior to make them actually do this.  Good luck.)

14. Truck nuts (bonus points if they have an American flag motif) 2 points for Americans, 15 points for non-Americans.

15. Any sign advertising the health benefits of Guinness

16. A fish and chips shop

17. A taxi (NOT an Uber or Lyft) 

18. Anyone with a mullet. 2points

19. Stranger taking a selfie (Influencer in the Wild award)

20. Flag of a nation that does not share any land or sea border with your own country

21. Merchandise of any professional sports team that is currently occupying last place in their league. 2 points

22. A photo of you running during the course of the scavenger hunt event with another Phantom Hogs member. (Recruiting new members is allowed! Both members must submit a photo and be taking part in the scavenger hunt.) 3 points

23. Vomit - Hint: Try the parking areas near your local bars on weekend mornings (Down With the Sickness award)

24. A summit marker- This can be a plaque or a USGS medallion with peak name and elevation 3 points

25. A USFS Wilderness boundary sign. 2 points

Thursday, April 15, 2021


There comes a time in the development of every gang when when it matures from a collective of like-minded but disparate souls on parallel paths winding their way toward a vague set of goals over a distant horizon, to being more like a bad-ass pod of orcas working together toward a common goal of scaring the ever-living shit out of literally anyone they come across (fig 1).  

Figure 1


But where does this unity of mind and purpose come from? How can we mature as a gang into the unstoppable force that we're meant to be? Orcas at least have geographic proximity working for them, but we're scattered all over the globe. Well now thanks to our new merch store, Hogs and orcas now have a couple things in common- SoCal housing that's WAY too small, and a unified appearance that engenders feelings of both fear and admiration in all who see us.

It's often said, good merch doesn't make a good gang, but a good gang does make good merch.  And besides, what's a gang without a racket? Just some kind of club? Freemasons? (fig2)


Figure 2

I mean, even the Girl Scouts sell merch. Come to think of it, they're are absolutely ruthless! They've even been known to post up a table of cookies outside of pot dispensaries! (fig 3, fig 4)

Figure 3


Figure 4


Talk about preying on the helpless... I would never suggest that we should be as savage as the Girl Scouts, but wearing and promoting our wares helps  the gang in multiple ways:

1. The more people see our logo, the easier we can grow our community. Wouldn't you rather share a run on your local trail or sidewalk with a fellow Phantom Hog than just another person from your local Fleet Feet run club?

2. More funding = more fun-ing. Building the gang's coffers allows for things like actual race medals, trophies, belt buckles, race shirts, and even (hopefully) subsidizing in-person club rallies and meet ups (fig 5).

Figure 5


3. Intimidation- I've been wearing some of the samples around and I must say, I've been getting a lot more respect out there in the streets.

4. Security- When was the last time you walked into a biker bar and punched a guy wearing gang colors? 

5. Um... it's called fashion. Have you even seen how stylish these designs are? (fig 6)

Figure 6

So why are you still reading this? Go check out our new merch store by clicking the "Merch!" tab on the Phantom Hogs home page! 

Phantom Hogs Scavenger Hunt- Results!

First, let me apologize for the slight delay in posting these results. This has been necessary due to some controversy regarding an item one...